Most times, my heart is the size of a city. I carry the energy of a thousand marching bands, and everything is clearer than the very water we drink from. The ground is firm beneath my feet, and the sky is endless spectrum over my head.
Stars dance inside my head. Trumpets blare from the pit of me, and I feel like a god amongst insects. It's not a sense of superiority, it is a knowledge of the calculated potential of what I am. What I could be. What we all could be.
Other times, I feel empty. I am the lunchbox of the poorest family in the world, with nothing to offer anyone. My vision is blurred by coke-bottle glasses, and my brain plays back endless radio fuzz. My chest crashes and falls, a Mustang falling down an endless gorge. Imagine, to fall forever... would one enjoy it?
We all live under this second, false sense. We are all individuals, calculating and calculated by the machine that is society. Our bones are used to build the skyscrapers of mankind. Oh, the merits of us. Oh, the potential.
But for now, that potential is on the back burner. I feel like I'm walking around in a windtunnel blindfolded, clueless and helpless. I sometimes can't tell the feelings between falling down, and standing up, in this metaphorical sense. I walk the Playdough ground and look up to an electric sky, without a single natural light in it.
We all calculate ourselves based on a year based on someone I don't believe in. Therefore, aren't we all living a lie, at least possibly?
Perhaps we should measure time by the merits of man, instead of the myths of Gods.
But merits. Merits. They are the single building block that mankind really has. We need to realize this and build something with the sheer amount of human potential. There are times that we simply realize that we are meant to do something. Your heart flutters, you suddenly look up with hope. You spend days drawing and designing something, you are the architecht of a dream. Hope becomes you.
Truth be told, I need hope. Sometimes, I feel so alone and confused. Is companionship the answer? I sometimes wonder. The idea of sharing my life with someone who shares my love of living is simply the best thing I could ever think of. After all, we are all human. I feel that I am not meant to live this life alone. I'm standing out on this cliff with a telescope, looking for you, my dear.
There is hope. There is love, and life.
But, there is no need for God. There is only need for action.
In my mind, there is no God.
There are no years.
Friday, October 24, 2008
Sunday, October 19, 2008
Where The Bullet Lies
There are many things in life that can torment the mind. One would loose his family. His job. His fortune. Everything that is special to him. And the man is me. I am the common worker in a common country. When they took my family from me because of their right as human beings to speak out.. Its not a felony to say your inner feelings. Its not human nature either. They never really took my family away, but they would tune into the brainwash box for their answers instead of listening to themselves. When you put your life down for everyone, to show them the truth and you get nothing in return.
You keep trying. And where the bodies lie on the street, so do the bullet casings. Its not ones life burden to know the truth about everything and to help everyone be free. Because eventually it wont matter anymore. Help is help. And Denial Is denial. And then the day will come where you look into the sky, and you see it scorched with the rain capable of disintegrating metal. There is not a single tear out of a helping hand that can seal out the acid.
And the day will come where nothing in life will matter, you will just want the metal to lie in the cranium but you don't have the heart to do what your surroundings tell you to do. Then it will come to you. The inner beauty that you were meant to find will sprout like the summer flowers. You will find the love that was for you. The wonderful feeling of being a helping hand for not the sake of you but the sake of everyone. Not for the sake of Democracy or the sake of Religion, Not for the sake of your paid slavery. Not for the sake of your education, But for the sake of Unconditional Love. Love your neighbors even if you don't, love your enemies even if you can't under any reason. Because they too can benefit from your love. Love your Ex, even if he or she left you with nothing, because in him or her, he or she knows you still have everything.
Nobody may need someone for romance. Nobody may need someone to marry. Or will have kids and live in a wonderful neighborhood with a nice white picket fence. You may not ever date until you are out of college to find yourself wondering what to do. The fact is that you have you, you don't need things to be happy. All you need is to love.
And when the darkest clouds and the fiercest anger will come, the sun will rise. And love will come. The bodies will lie on the side of the road, and they will rise into the heavens. Looking down in shame because the one to pull the lever was not for your love. They will take the hand and be taken to their dreams. For ones loving heart and soul will go to waste on earth, but never in their fullest of dreams. Because you will remember them as the innocent, the loving, the caring, even through the cruelest tyranny that the board will give you. You never can be more or less than what you are. You. The violence will continue, the cruelty will continue, the torture will continue. But you can never stop loving one another. And thats why the clashes between us happen, and the love is not there.
So go home, sleep, dream, write, and think. Turn off the damn television. Go read a book. Ask somebody on a date that you have wanted to ask for a long time. Go Yell. Scream. You have the power to say whatever you want. Love your parents, you never know when they wont be around anymore. Love your brothers and sisters, they are your best friends, you need them more than anything. No matter how much you hate them at times. Love them. Love your wife your husband. Because they are your other half. From i do to i die. From where the bullet lies comes the reason why not to love.
As the clouds come past blotting out the sun, you will find your inner beauty, and you too will sprout like the summer flowers.
You keep trying. And where the bodies lie on the street, so do the bullet casings. Its not ones life burden to know the truth about everything and to help everyone be free. Because eventually it wont matter anymore. Help is help. And Denial Is denial. And then the day will come where you look into the sky, and you see it scorched with the rain capable of disintegrating metal. There is not a single tear out of a helping hand that can seal out the acid.
And the day will come where nothing in life will matter, you will just want the metal to lie in the cranium but you don't have the heart to do what your surroundings tell you to do. Then it will come to you. The inner beauty that you were meant to find will sprout like the summer flowers. You will find the love that was for you. The wonderful feeling of being a helping hand for not the sake of you but the sake of everyone. Not for the sake of Democracy or the sake of Religion, Not for the sake of your paid slavery. Not for the sake of your education, But for the sake of Unconditional Love. Love your neighbors even if you don't, love your enemies even if you can't under any reason. Because they too can benefit from your love. Love your Ex, even if he or she left you with nothing, because in him or her, he or she knows you still have everything.
Nobody may need someone for romance. Nobody may need someone to marry. Or will have kids and live in a wonderful neighborhood with a nice white picket fence. You may not ever date until you are out of college to find yourself wondering what to do. The fact is that you have you, you don't need things to be happy. All you need is to love.
And when the darkest clouds and the fiercest anger will come, the sun will rise. And love will come. The bodies will lie on the side of the road, and they will rise into the heavens. Looking down in shame because the one to pull the lever was not for your love. They will take the hand and be taken to their dreams. For ones loving heart and soul will go to waste on earth, but never in their fullest of dreams. Because you will remember them as the innocent, the loving, the caring, even through the cruelest tyranny that the board will give you. You never can be more or less than what you are. You. The violence will continue, the cruelty will continue, the torture will continue. But you can never stop loving one another. And thats why the clashes between us happen, and the love is not there.
So go home, sleep, dream, write, and think. Turn off the damn television. Go read a book. Ask somebody on a date that you have wanted to ask for a long time. Go Yell. Scream. You have the power to say whatever you want. Love your parents, you never know when they wont be around anymore. Love your brothers and sisters, they are your best friends, you need them more than anything. No matter how much you hate them at times. Love them. Love your wife your husband. Because they are your other half. From i do to i die. From where the bullet lies comes the reason why not to love.
As the clouds come past blotting out the sun, you will find your inner beauty, and you too will sprout like the summer flowers.
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